Down Days and Mini vacations

I received a letter that as of yesterday, October 31, 2013, I am no longer a permanent sub at the high school so I'm home this morning.  Instead of getting to see happy faces and help teachers I'm dealing with the depression that goes with being unemployed and feeling like I'm not needed.  I stop short of saying I'm not wanted because I have had several teachers tell me they want me to be their sub if they have to be out.  I was doing a lot better the past couple of months. Even though I was just a sub I was going to work every day and if I wasn't assigned a classroom I was helping a teacher.  This wasn't just the teacher asking if I could make copies for them; I would go find teachers to help.  You know the teachers who don't have planning periods, the teachers who need copies for class but there is a line at the copier between classes, the teachers who have to have copies to use for class and there isn't enough time to grade everything and put the packets together for class. If I had more than one free period I wasn't just twiddling my thumbs, unless I had a major migraine but I still did some things for a teacher those days.  Now I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have just read a book instead of doing other things to feel like I earned my pay every day.  So now the depression issues I had last year with being unemployed are back :-(

Then there is the whole Soldiers' Angels mess.  I decided to hang around for a year, thanks to the sweet Angel who paid my "fee" for a year so I can keep volunteering.  After the past few days I'm beginning to think it was a mistake and I should have just been kicked out for not paying.  I recently changed my email address thinking it would be easier on everyone to have an email that didn't have Thibodeau on it, I was wrong.  I got an email at the address I still get SA information at wanting to know my email address.  the whole name change threw them off even though my name has been changed on the forum and the Approved Angels page since I got married.  My name on all the paperwork to re-verify is Blythe, however I had to add Jennifer(my first name) to get the email address I wanted. Even though all my paperwork says Blythe, the Jennifer in my email confused them so much they had to email me to ask about my email address. And now on facebook we are still being told to ask yet more people questions about teams we're on.  I thought all this was going to stop, I was told by Amy communication would get better.  I was going to stick to it for the troops, but this is causing me as much, if not more, stress than school is and stress is the reason I've been having migraines.

I also wanted to have a Bible Study about advent for the girls (starting tonight) and asked about time that would work best for them so I'd know the time to tell them. The only person who has responded is my sister-in-law Savannah.  Everyone else's lack of response tells me they don't want to get together if the get together happens to be a Bible Study.

But I want to end this on a positive note, I'm taking a card class Sunday at Michael's which is my mini vacation and then next Saturday I'm taking two card classes at Michael's. Hopefully they will help take the blues away.  Advent is here so hopefully this picture will change things around, but if you've every suffered from depression (and I'm sure anyone with Social Anxiety Disorder has at least once) you'll know it may take awhile.  So here goes my first try of being positive this month.

Happy Advent Season!!!

Chronic Migraines

After several weeks of horrible migraines I finally got to leave school early yesterday so I went home and had to take two of my prescription migraine pills.  I also took my preventative medicine.  I stopped taking it in August because i'm so tired during the day and I wasn't getting much sleep once the sedative wore off.  I took half of one this afternoon, but I'm still having bad headaches.  Hopefully I can figure something out.

Something else that's been bothering me is seeing photo posts on Facebook about how upset people with chronic illnesses get when someone tells them get well soon.  My opinion...I have gradually gotten to the point where I'm furious at seeing these now. I have to deal with chronic medical issues and I feel so much better(emotionally at least) just hearing I hope you feel better or find a get well soon card in the mail because I know they care and want me to be better even if it's for a few hours.  Knowing what it's like for me I try to send "get well soon" notes to encourage others who are going through something similar and I have to say that seeing things like this up as often as I do makes me feel like I've been slapped in the face for trying to encourage someone, whether that was the person I sent a note to or not.  I have days where I have to fight to make it through school before I can rest and deal with the physical pain and I have to say it's depressing having my parents and husband be the only people who want me to feel better.  I do know there are some people praying for me, they find me at school or send me a note to check up on me every now and then. I guess I feel like no one really cares about me.  I know I'm sick a lot and most people think it's trivial, but a lot of days I feel like no one really cares and a get well card or something special ( which I usually get in mail from my best friend in Florida who shouldn't be spending money on me or I buy myself) would really mean a lot.  I see others facing similar medical issues who have friends who seem to be bending over backwards to do things to make them feel better and feel loved.  The only people who seem to do that for me are my husband and my parents.  I've had to deal with my chronic issues alone for 31 years before I met Travis, I guess I'll keep doing it without friends, it just makes me sad to think about.

See What Happens....

I don't have Celiac's Disease so I'm going to an allergist because something is obviously wrong.  I tried eating one or two pieces of toast a day, but something is still messing up my stomach. For now it's still try it and see what happens (at least if the next couple of days aren't school days). I'm also still having a lot of migraines nor have I been sleeping well lately.  I haven't felt like working out lately but I really want to get started.  I like staying healthy and in shape.  

The Dr. also stretched my esophagus and it's easier for me to swallow small pills now (I haven't tackled the bigger one yet).

What a week....

I've finished all the wedding planning, I just have a few more things to get done.  I have 3 more weeks of teaching left and then it's 2 weeks of movies; movies I get to choose :-) I'm a lot stressed with everything I have to do and my craft time which is how I normal relax and blow off steam is non existent right now.  There are days I wish I could just take my giant Peanuts coloring book (from when I was 3, I don't still have it but it would be fun!) and box of crayons to school and just color lol

I'm starting a new diet tomorrow for a few weeks, fruits, vegetables, and water.  Something has been making me sick lately and I find it hard to believe it's ONLY gluten.  I think my thyroid is starting to get off too.  It may just be stress (and I definitely have a lot of that) but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! The hard part of figuring out what's wrong is lack of time and resources to actually do it.  I've been wanting to take a course to be a certified nutritional consultant and I think I'll do that soon.

Spring is Here?

It doesn't really feel like spring, more like late October.  Right now I'm becoming more obsessed with healthy eating and I really want to go to a Farmer's Market-despite the fact that I really want pizza and burgers, and hot dogs, and stuff I just can't eat without having an allergic reaction or getting a migraine.  Since I'll be getting married in a couple of months I have to figure out where to buy what I can handle for the best price.  Which is why I can't wait to go to a farmer's market and spend some time this summer canning for the winter; did you know that yellow #5 (I think is the number) is added to pickles!!!! Yes, I'll be pickling my own hopefully this summer.  I want the headaches, pain, and breathing problems to stop without my dying of starvation-is that really too much to ask?  Project #1 (after getting out my sewing machine) is making grocery bags, I have my patterns and some material already.  I have several different styles I like plus there is an insulated one.  I like my 31 bags, but there's something about making a bag with the print you want that makes limited shopping more enjoyable, and I do enjoy grocery shopping!!

Spring is...

Spring is just around the corner! I can feel it peeking out at me from behind a tree.  I'm so excited about gardening season, it's almost here. Time to pull out my cook books-all the gluten free ones I've been collecting since two Doctors put me on the diet in the autumn.  It's been really hard, financially, but with thoughts of my own garden I have a new excitement and hope I will actually be able to eat foods that won't make me feel yucky.  I'm also trying to save up for canning supplies and refrigerator storage for when I can start harvesting.  I have both on our wedding registries and I'm super excited.

I have managed to purge my crafting supplies of seasonal things I don't like and haven't used in years, especially Christmas.  I bought a ScrapRack and I have most everything on it, I ran out of pages and dividers, but those should be in Wednesday-along with a small travel box so I can carry my things from house to house until I get married this summer and aren't commuting back and forth anymore.  If I like the small box I'm going to get a bigger one. They look great for car travel because it's plastic and the top can be used as a lap desk.  When It comes in and I use it I'll let you know my opinion.

Nail Polish and Sewing Patterns

I went shopping yesterday and found nail polish the exact color of my going away dress for my wedding in June.  It was the exact color of the dress! But alas when I painted my nails I didn't think they looked that great, at least not for a wedding :-)

I also found some patterns for clothes and bags for the honeymoon (and after) on sale for $3.00 a pattern.  I'm so excited!!! I can't wait to set up my sewing machine and start sewing!!