Friday, November 1, 2013

Down Days and Mini vacations

I received a letter that as of yesterday, October 31, 2013, I am no longer a permanent sub at the high school so I'm home this morning.  Instead of getting to see happy faces and help teachers I'm dealing with the depression that goes with being unemployed and feeling like I'm not needed.  I stop short of saying I'm not wanted because I have had several teachers tell me they want me to be their sub if they have to be out.  I was doing a lot better the past couple of months. Even though I was just a sub I was going to work every day and if I wasn't assigned a classroom I was helping a teacher.  This wasn't just the teacher asking if I could make copies for them; I would go find teachers to help.  You know the teachers who don't have planning periods, the teachers who need copies for class but there is a line at the copier between classes, the teachers who have to have copies to use for class and there isn't enough time to grade everything and put the packets together for class. If I had more than one free period I wasn't just twiddling my thumbs, unless I had a major migraine but I still did some things for a teacher those days.  Now I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have just read a book instead of doing other things to feel like I earned my pay every day.  So now the depression issues I had last year with being unemployed are back :-(

Then there is the whole Soldiers' Angels mess.  I decided to hang around for a year, thanks to the sweet Angel who paid my "fee" for a year so I can keep volunteering.  After the past few days I'm beginning to think it was a mistake and I should have just been kicked out for not paying.  I recently changed my email address thinking it would be easier on everyone to have an email that didn't have Thibodeau on it, I was wrong.  I got an email at the address I still get SA information at wanting to know my email address.  the whole name change threw them off even though my name has been changed on the forum and the Approved Angels page since I got married.  My name on all the paperwork to re-verify is Blythe, however I had to add Jennifer(my first name) to get the email address I wanted. Even though all my paperwork says Blythe, the Jennifer in my email confused them so much they had to email me to ask about my email address. And now on facebook we are still being told to ask yet more people questions about teams we're on.  I thought all this was going to stop, I was told by Amy communication would get better.  I was going to stick to it for the troops, but this is causing me as much, if not more, stress than school is and stress is the reason I've been having migraines.

I also wanted to have a Bible Study about advent for the girls (starting tonight) and asked about time that would work best for them so I'd know the time to tell them. The only person who has responded is my sister-in-law Savannah.  Everyone else's lack of response tells me they don't want to get together if the get together happens to be a Bible Study.

But I want to end this on a positive note, I'm taking a card class Sunday at Michael's which is my mini vacation and then next Saturday I'm taking two card classes at Michael's. Hopefully they will help take the blues away.  Advent is here so hopefully this picture will change things around, but if you've every suffered from depression (and I'm sure anyone with Social Anxiety Disorder has at least once) you'll know it may take awhile.  So here goes my first try of being positive this month.

Happy Advent Season!!!

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